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It has been many nights since I first laid eyes upon this creature. Night after night I follow her. I know exactly what she is going to do before she does it. I’ve come to know her so well yet there is still something hidden from my all prying eye. There is something she holds buried deeply within her that she isn’t willing to accept and to such a degree that I can not pick it from her mind.
What is it that she hides so deeply within herself? I know it has to do with her husband and her lover but what? Why is it that neither of these men is with her now? Why does she live the way she does holding down two jobs? Surely even if they got divorced she would have gotten a small part of the fortune they once shared. Could it be that she didn’t get it because she got caught in her betrayal with the other man? If that were the case then why would she block such a thing so completely from her mind? Yes I know that doing such a thing and losing everything would be a painful memory but so painful that she has blocked it completely? I doubt that. There has to be something more to this.
Tonight there was a slight breach in her routine. As she sat down to eat her dinner the phone rang. In my many nights of watching this woman I have never seen her receive or make a single call. It was an extremely short call and only consisted of a man on the other end saying “Hello, Love. Miss me?” She instantly hung up the phone and it seemed that her world was completely shattered by that short little one sided conversation, but why? Who was that man on the phone? Why did this upset her so much?
I don’t know what it is that she is hiding but I will get to the bottom of this one way or another. I’m growing impatient tonight with this. I grow impatient that a simple mortal woman can hide her thoughts so completely from me. I should fly in through her window and learn what I want to find out from her blood. Surely she could not hide it from me then. What if she could? Then I would never find out what is going on and it would certainly become even more of an obsession to me to find out what she is hiding. No, better that I wait and let her reveal it to me in time. |
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Jan. 25th, 2006 @ 09:12 pm
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It was a cold dismal night as she walked through the door of her flat tonight. She was completely unaware that she had been followed all night; in fact she wasn’t aware that she had been followed every night for the past week. I don’t know what it was about her that caught my attention so completely. In general, these nights nothing and no one can entrance me as completely as this woman has.
Here I sit, perched upon a tree limb outside of her bedroom window as I wait for her to retire for the night. Her habits are so precise and regimented that even a military general would be impressed with her discipline. Each night it’s the same thing; 7:00 PM she leaves work, then she begins her walk home following the same route. Her only stop is at the little store down the corner from her home to pick up what will be that night’s meal. Never does she look up while she is walking to look into the faces of those she passes; always her head is down as if she has something to hide. After picking out something simple for dinner she continues on her way until she reaches her stoop, she checks her mail and proceeds into her little apartment. She cooks her dinner. She sits upon her couch when she finishes cooking to eat her meal and watch 2 hours of TV, then it’s off to prepare for bed.
She showers, covers herself in sweet smelling oils, dresses and tucks herself in for the night. Every night she rises at precisely 2 AM from a frightful dream. It’s always the same thing. There is a man that haunts her nights; a man that I know from her thoughts is dead. He is completely devoted to her and gives in to her every whim. They are rich, far above where she is now, barely able to scrape together the money for her rent. She sees herself in these dreams, a beautiful little thing of perhaps 20, nothing compared to the weathered woman whom she now is. She meets another man and falls passionately in love with him and she begins to think of leaving her husband. Her dream then becomes flashes of memory. Always at the same point, she rises from her slumber in a cold sweat, just when the two men come face to face. Just once, I wish she would sleep beyond that point, so I can see how this plays out. I can tell that she knows how it ends, but she has blocked those thoughts so completely from herself that I cannot pull them from her mind.
After she wakes from her nightmare, she cries herself back to sleep. At 4 a.m. she rises and prepares for her first job of the day, serving coffee at one of those Starbucks that are scattered throughout the city. I can only imagine that she continues on through the day in the same rut that she spends her nights. No doubt going home for lunch after her first job ends and doing the chores in her apartment at the exact same time everyday before leaving for her second job.
She intrigues me and I don’t know why. There is something buried within her that draws me to her. Perhaps the rest of the dream carries her secrets, the ones that not even I can find. I know I could take her and pull her secrets from her when I draw the blood, but what would be the fun in that? |
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Jan. 15th, 2006 @ 03:31 pm
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To break in our new chat room we have planned a chat for Monday,January 16th beginning at 9 PM EST. We hope too see many of you then. |
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Party!
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Oct. 27th, 2005 @ 06:40 pm
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Please Note:
To prepare for this event the Forums of
Affirmations Eternal will be closing around Midnight (EST), Friday, October 28th.
We will be re-opening some time Sunday afternoon (Oct. 30th).
You can view the above invite page at Invite |
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Won't you join us tomorrow night, Tues. Sept 27th at 10 pm eastern for some fun in our chat room? We hope to see you there. |
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Sep. 16th, 2005 @ 10:21 pm
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To say the least the past couple of weeks have been rough. I’ve been bouncing back and forth between Louisiana and California. Right now I am in California having returned here a few nights ago. I plan to go back to Blackwood Farm in two nights to see if things have begun. I shall allow Rowan to return with me this time. I know she has been desperate to go with me on my trips back but she didn’t want to press the issue.
I don’t like the idea of leaving my family here in the home of Santino and Pandora alone. I’m trying to get Jasmine to agree to take everyone on a lengthy vacation traveling around Europe. She has been rather hesitant on doing this but I do think she will give into it soon.
Many have inquired into the state of Blackwood Farm and as much as I do appreciate you caring it’s something I do not wish to speak about it. I’ve been trying not to think about it as much as possible. After I am assured that it is in good I will no doubt either join my family on their vacation or go away somewhere with Rowan to find something else to occupy my mind.
I’m sure if anyone can take my mind off of things it is Rowan. There is now a new mystery for us to try to figure out. The appearance of Magnus at the party the other evening was quite the surprise. How is it that Lestat’s maker once again walks among us? Why has he chosen to join us here? |
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I feel as if I should write something here, but I just don’t know what to say. Yes the eloquent Quinn is at a loss for words. My mood has grown dark as of late and for what I believe is good reason.
I did enjoy our party the other night and I hope everyone else did as well. I must say I was quite shocked by the appearance of Magnus and I still am. I have the feeling it is going to be quite interesting to have him with us.
I have so many things that I wish to say but I can’t find the words for them. I wish to thank those that have shown concern for our family and us. Your support has been greatly appreciated. I hope that soon my mood will lighten and I will once again be around more. |
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Sep. 3rd, 2005 @ 09:24 pm
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I seem to have fallen silent, I apologize, but I hope you can understand. I can not find the words to describe how I have been feeling these nights and to attempt it would be useless.
I do hope you can understand my silence and I regret to say that it may continue for a while longer. I have things I must attend to and I must try to help where I can. |
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I’m sure you have all seen the news so I see no need to recap what you already know. I just wanted to pop on and let everyone know that we made it to Pandora’s home without problem. The family has settled in nicely.
I wish to thank Pandora and Santino for offering us their home. We greatly appreciate it. I have heard from one of the men that stayed behind who informs me that we have taken some damage but nothing that can not be repaired. The original plan was to stay here until everything was over with and go back. I have decided after speaking with him that we will remain here until everything is repaired. I see no need to subject the family or the older staff members to seeing what has been destroyed. Jasmine is set against this she thinks we should go and see to the repairs ourselves. My men are more than capable of taking care of what needs to be done.
It will give us a chance to visit and take a little vacation together. |
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This evening has turned into a busy one. I’ve been helping the men that work for me prepare Blackwood Farm for Hurricane Katrina. As much as I have tried to hide my strength from them this evening I know they have noticed that I can get the shutters to break free when none of them have been able to. I know everyone here knows there is something different about me but none of our employees suspect what it is. I’m sure if they did Jasmine would have heard about it by now and told me.
I’m not quite sure if we are going to evacuate. I’m undecided where we will go if we do. I’ve received many offers from other immortals that we could stay with them but I’m not sure if I want to take any of them up on it. Jerome, Tommy, Jasmine and the household staff have met Lestat, Mona, and Rowan but as of yet I have seen no sign that they have noticed anything different about them, other than Mona’s miraculous improvement with her health. We have all taken great strides to make sure to wear the proper make up and clothes to conceal the obvious physical markers of our kind. In truth I do not wish to expose them to more of my kind, else they may discover the truth.
I know that one day soon I shall have to either leave without word and never return to Blackwood Farm or confide in my family members my secret. Maharet has warned me more than once about continuing my relationship with my family, but I just can’t bring myself to abandon them. I can not hide the fact much longer from them because the difference is becoming more evident. They have all aged and I have not. I can only do so much to make myself appear the correct age. I do not think Jasmine would be to shocked if I were to reveal my secret to her. Of everyone I know she is the one that knows that there is something different about me. She has asked me several times to reveal to her what I am hiding, but I always tell her I am not hiding anything from her.
Tonight is not the night for me to decide this. There are far more important matters at hand such as the safety of my family and the plantation. It looks as if this thing will hit us Monday. I think we are prepared for it. I need to go find Rowan so we can decide where we are going to go if we are to leave. |
| » We are having a party |
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I hope you will join us. You can pick up your invitation Here
( Or view it here )
Aug. 26th, 2005 @ 05:31 pm
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| » Haunted by the past |
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Tonight I find myself lost in visions of the past. I keep looking back to the days of my childhood. The relationship I never had with my mother that I wish I had. It would have changed so much for me had I had a proper relationship with her. There really is no reason to dwell on it because it can't be changed. I am what I am and she is dead. I can't allow myself to think of her death. The fact that I am the one that ended her life still causes me pain. It shouldn't really. She hated me since the day I was born and made no attempt to hide it. She was dying anyway. If nothing else, I released her from the suffering she would have had to endure had she lived until that damned disease killed her.
I can't help but wonder why it never occurred to her to love the child that had survived instead of spending her life mourning the one she had lost? When you have a child in your life that wants nothing more than for you to love it how could you resist? I can't help but remember some of the things I saw when I took her life. One thing jumps out at me this night. I was a baby, perhaps no more than 4 months old. She stood over my crib grasping a pillow and looking at me. She was planning on killing me and sending me to spend eternity with my twin that had died at birth. She thought this was justified since she considered me as his murder. She of course didn't realize that I would spend many of my years with him. Just as she began to lower the pillow Aunt Queen came in and threw her back against the wall. I heard words come out of my beloved aunt's mouth that would have floored me had I not been in the swoon of feeding. The main point to Aunt Queens words were that if Patsy ever laid one hand on me or even thought about it Aunt Queen would kill Patsy herself.
Patsy never did attempt to do me harm again, though she did think about it. I'm not sure what keeps bringing this to the front of all of the things in my mind this night. I think I shall go find where Rowan has gone and see if she can take my mind off of it. * Smiles Slyly *
Aug. 25th, 2005 @ 08:55 pm
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| » Forgiveness |
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How can I forgive her so easily?
You know I had every intention of telling her to stay away from me when next I saw her. As far as I was concerned I was through with her. I would not give her the opportunity to hurt me like that again. I had completely made up my mind that I did not need her. However, making up your mind does not convince your heart. As they say the heart wants what the heart wants.
When I saw her again and heard her voice it was all I could do not to pull her into my arms and never let her go. I couldn't allow myself to do that, I had to make sure she knew how much she had hurt me. It is not in my nature to continue to punish her. I simply can't continue to make her suffer for what she did.
After all what is it that she did? She left without a word. As far as I know she could have come back the next night. I didn't stick around to see. When she was gone and I could find no explanation for it I left. I went home to my beloved Blackwood Farm to lick my wounds. I was deeply hurt. My mind had created a scenario for what had happened, but I was wrong. Do I punish her for me jumping to conclusions? I do not think that would be fair.
She still suffers for what she has done. I am not the cause of it now, she is. I will forgive her long before she ever begins to forgive herself. She doubts my ability to forgive her because she has yet to forgive those that have done her wrong in her past.
I have asked her to come back to me. I will not beg her to, it must be her choice. I do hope she will return to me, but I'm not sure that she will. She has demons that she must overcome and as much as I wish to help her with them I'm not sure she will let me.
I'm beginning to make some plans to give her a night to remember when she does return. I've not completely made up my mind about the details yet. I want us to make a new beginning. One that is not stained by the actions of another.
I know that no Immortal relationship can last forever but I'm not quite ready to give up on this one. I love her too much for it to be cut short over a misunderstanding.
Aug. 4th, 2005 @ 01:26 am
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| » Why? |
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I should have known? How is it that I should have known? I can not read her thoughts no matter how much I try she is my fledgling! She is so much more to me than my fledgling she is my lover, my companion.
At first when this all began we truly were just friends, despite what Lestat may have thought. We went out that night only as friends to have a good time. It turned into so much more that night. All of the feelings that I had trapped inside of me out of respect for Lestat were unleashed. When her lips first touched mine I knew I was lost.
Lost in that heated moment a new vampire was born. No I didn't mean for it to happen before that split second in time, but I do not regret it. No matter what it has cost me with my relationship with Lestat I do not regret it. I only hope that we can move past this.
When she left I was destroyed. It was bad enough that I lost Lestat when I created her but then to lose her as well it was too much. I could have gone into the sun that night when I realized she was gone. I was so certain that she had left me for him. How could I not think that? We had just found out that something had happened to him and then the next night she was gone without a word. The only possible explanation for her not telling me she was leaving was that she was going to him.
Now she tells me that she had gone to find herself. Why wouldn't she tell me she was leaving? I just don't get it. Why after all of this time together does she suddenly disappear without telling me why? I have her back with me, somewhat at least. She followed me to the forum in hopes of explaining herself. She has begun to tell me why but I think there must be more to it than that. I think she is hiding something from me or else why wouldn't she be here at my side?
Jul. 28th, 2005 @ 09:51 pm
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| » Missing Post |
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I meant to do something else and I removed my last post. To those that had replied that they had added me to their friends list you have been added back.
Jul. 7th, 2005 @ 12:29 am
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aequinnae's journal